Leadership Was a Monster – Until I Saw It Differently
Leadership. It was a word and title from which I would hide, like a monster looking for me as if I were in a horror movie. Why was I initially scared of it? I think it is multifactorial.
Although I hold an MD and MBA, leadership was never formally taught or discussed. Although it was mentioned as a string of decisions or having the final say, the practice only emerged through experience. Beyond just medical knowledge, I had to learn how to communicate effectively with people, which, as a young resident and attending, was not as sharp as it is now.
Part may have been a household where I could openly voice my opinions or thoughts, and where an environment of support and love existed, but that was not always the case in medical school or residency [though most attendings were excellent]. During some rotations as a student, I was to be seen and not heard. In residency, with only one or two attendings, no matter what I said, it wasn’t what they wanted to hear. [With those individuals in particular, I developed a stutter and tremor due to nerves, which is very uncharacteristic of me.] Then, there were the attendings who nurtured me through medical school and residency. It was under their guidance that I grew in my confidence, in addition to my medical knowledge. I learned posture matters. Looking up while walking and making eye contact matters. Words matter. Delivery of a message matters [with all these puzzle pieces put together.]
When I graduated from residency, leadership didn’t seem so scary. I was probably more nervous about becoming a new attending. I think we can all toast to that feeling of the new attending jitters. Combine the nervous excitement with the term' leadership,' and that would send anyone over the moon!
Luckily, the stutter and tremor were only situational. The nervousness was squashed after a few months to a year into my new role. I appreciate the mentorship that continued after residency with outstanding, strong female physicians with whom I keep in contact to this day.
Leadership is more than a title or credentials. For me, it stems from tapping into my inner self and strengths, as well as getting to know those with whom I work. It stems from embracing each individual, their quirkiness, engaging in discussions, continuous learning, and honoring the season of life in which I reside. Why does it matter? I believe my approach to life and medicine has evolved over the years. As my perspective on various aspects of life has evolved, so has my approach to leadership. It has come from many unexpected life experiences, learning, and reading, among other factors.
Lead with compassion—compassion for self and others.
Listen to learn, not to answer.
Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Don’t make assumptions. We all know what that does.
If you don’t know the answer, ask or look it up. Don’t BS your way through it. Admitting we don’t know everything, as physicians and humans, shows vulnerability, and that builds trust.
Lead with your head and heart. It is possible. Quit trying to separate the two. They are the yin and yang.
Life has humbled me, and for that, I am grateful. For now, what motivates me to get up daily resides outside of me. It is genuinely from a Greater Power that I can do what I do, day in and day out, under the circumstances life has allowed me to experience. God is good, always!